Monday, December 21, 2009

Wordsmithery, Part III

You've seen a few before ..... here and here.

Well, yet another writing assignment from my youngest daughter - for your dining and dancing pleasure:


Caring, kind and shy

Sibling of

Ryne, Riley

Lover of

Dogs, nature and horses

Who feels

Loved, safe and happy

Who needs

Understanding, generosity and friendship

Who gives

Kindness, love and friendship

Who fears

Earthquakes, spiders and heights

Who would like to see

Ant's point of view, Heaven and New York

Seriously ... where does she get this stuff ... ?!?!?

She's worried about playing her computer games ... reading her books ... watching her programs ... how long she's away from Bob The Dog ... bugging her sister ...

... and then something like this pops up?

You gotta love it .....

.............................. Ruprecht ( STOP )

Monday, December 7, 2009

Help Spread The Word

, I couldn't have said it better myself.

.................... Ruprecht ( STOP inappropriate word usage)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Happy Birthday, Dea

Happy Birthday to you ...
Happy Birthday to you ...
Happy Birthday, Dear Deanna ...
Happy Birthday to you.

You are the best thing that ever happened to me. My love for you goes to the moon and back again.

......................... Love, Michael

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Foreign Object

Honestly ..... Rupe believes there's not much he can do about this situation.

Instead, looking the other way, swallowing hard and keeping the peace .....

...................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

..... add 12 ..... carry the 3 .....

A true conversation:

We pulled up to school early this morning. I stopped and glanced toward the back to see if Reed was still doing whatever homework she was doing when we first got in the car back home.

“Are you done?”

“No. I still have to add up the minutes for my reading log … then I’m done.”

“I can do that. Just tell me what they are.”

“Okay. Ready? Here goes. 30 … 30 … 43 … Do you have it?”

“Yes. Keep going …”

“… 39 … 44 … 28 … 53 …”

“Hold on … wait … okay …”

“… 43 … 53 …”

“Wait! Hold on a minute. Seriously? How many are there?”

“There’s the rest of the month, every day I did reading.”

“For October? Thirty-one days .. ?!? I’m going to need a calculator!”

“Nevermind. I can do it later.”

“I can do it. Leave it here, I’ll do it up real quick and leave it for you while you’re in rehearsal. ‘Kay?”

“Okay. See you later! Thank, Dad!”

I pulled out my cellphone and notched it over to the calculator function.

Ruprecht: Not the human calculator he thought he was.


....................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Can I Borrow A $200.00 Bill?

My daughter routinely carries around $200.00 bills.

It's what she uses to pay for things.

So, when new fish were needed - and throw in a few ghost shrimp to boot - she paid with a $200.00 bill. And a penny. Easy peasy, Japanesey.

Okay .... so maybe she didn't. But the lady working the register just insisted my daughter paid $200.00 for $5.71 worth of water-dwelling creatures.

The fact of the matter was it was nothing of the sort. It was a mere $10.00 that was given to the register lady. Seriously ... how in the world do you mistake $10.00 for $200.00 ... ?!?!?

A verbal volley ensued. $194.40 was due back as change and she wasn't going to take no for an answer. My wife countered. The register lady tossed it back. My wife re-countered. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. The register lady was very insistent we were due what we were due.

In the end, we were the winner. And in hindsight - and without probably knowing it because she was still steamed she couldn't give away free money - so was the register lady.

Because she would have had a load of fun trying to explain why her register was $190.00 light that night .....

....................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Thursday, October 29, 2009

No Scalp Too Big

Years and years ago, Rupe dressed as a crazed, rumple-suited, gaunt figure with loads of powder in his hair, tons of make-up on his face and carried a (ceramic but realistic looking) life-sized skull around everywhere he went.

(The skull's name was - and still is - Bill. And Bill continues to make Halloween appearances each and every year. He's happy that way .....)

Rupe had the cards below printed up especially for the occasion. They were handed out to any- and everyone Rupe happened upon. And then, Rupe would simply walk off.

That was a fun Halloween .....

.................... Oom-Belli ( STOP )

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Honoring An Agreement

I lost a bet.

It was loads of fun to do. I recommend it highly.

Patty liked the Philadelphia Phillies in the National League Championship Series. I liked (and always have) The Los Angeles Dodgers. It was a match made in heaven to get us together and bet on the game.

The bet? Whoever loses wears the opposing team's colors, et al and posts pictures of same. It's a simple bet. And that's what makes it all the sweeter.

I must admit: It's usually a chore for me to lose a bet. But I had no qualms about losing this one.

Oh ... I grumbled and grouched and anguished mentally when my beloved Dodgers bit the dust with barely a whimper. They practically laid down their arms and gave up the fight, it seemed. Hard to swallow.

So ... under these circumstances, wouldn't it be equally difficult to come to terms with the ground rules of the wager? One would think so.

A bit surprisingly, however, at the final out and with the realization I had lost the bet ... no sinking feeling ... it wasn't a problem. I was actually looking forward to honoring my end of the bargain.

And so ... here it is. In glorious color, for your dining and dancing pleasure. Without a whimper, without a (genuine) tear shed.

Congratulations, Patty, to your Phillies. May they do well in the World Series.

I will be rooting for them ..... over those dastardly, pinstriped New York Yankees .....

Oh. And, just to make things a bit more fun and take the wager a bit further, I wore said shirt out in public, too. I did so while picking up my youngest daughter from school.

The look on her face says it all:

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww, Dad! How could you be dressed so in a Phillies' shirt ... ?!?!?"

..................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

NLDS, Game 2 .....

I was fortunate enough (courtesy of a friend from New Jersey - thanks loads, Matt!) to head to the second game of the National League Division Series October 8th to see the Los Angeles Dodgers commit a grand and glorious come-from-behind win over the St. Louis Cardinals and take a 2-0 lead in the best-of-five series.

The Dodgers would go on to sweep the Cards and move onward to the National League Championship Series.

This game, however, was a kicker. The opposing pitcher flung a gem of a game, giving up a mere homerun and a three hit performance before leaving the game undecided.

A few pictures of my buddy Ken and I and 50,000+ of our closest friends .....

Yeah ... it's a bit packed tonight .....

Really ... ??? A line to get into the men's restroom ... ?!?!?

This guy is one of my best friends
when I'm watching the game from the comfort of my living room .....

Yup. That's Slash of Guns 'N' Roses, doing the National Anthem .....

Hey! McCourt! Lasorda! Down in front!
I'm a paying customer and I can't see, already!

I have no explanation for this guy .....

Manny at the plate .....

The eventual win and final score .....

Grins and hugs and backslaps all around .....

Car to guess which ones are the bankers?
We had these knuckleheads in stitches the entire afternoon.

Half an hour after the final winning hit, they're headed for the exits .....

Ken didn't want evidence he had, indeed, lost his car .....

I just had to get a picture
with the lone Cardinals fan in the stadium .....

You betcha .....

.................. Ruprecht ( STOP )

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Gonk

Complete ... with bad quality and extra cheese .....

..................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Thursday, September 24, 2009

That Weenie Man, Lemmee Tell You .....

Countess Janey inserted an earworm within my mind about a week ago.
I haven't had the wherewithal to have it removed. Nor did I really know how.

But then, of a sudden, it disappeared and I was free.


Free, I tell you ... !!!


..... that is, until I visited her blog.

And then ... there was nothing to do but to try and exorcise it from my mind all over again. But this time, I had to get proactive.

I figured, deductively, if I put the little ditty out there my ownself, it might do the trick.

........................ Ruprecht ( STOP )

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Mars' Status Has Not Changed

Channel surfing one morning, the daughter asked a question of her father.

"Dad ... which Star Wars is this?"

The Dad came out of the kitchen and gave the program a quick glance. Dark, grimy Jawas were lining up droids in the middle of a glaring desert on the planet Tatooine.

"It's Episode 4," The Dad replied to the daughter.

The Mom overheard, came in, saw what was on television and recognized it. "No! It's #1! Star Wars is #1!"

"Well," The Dad explained, "It
would be in the original layout when the films first came out. But, with the prequels in the mix, the very first Star Wars film from 1977 is considered Episode 4".

"No! No, it is not! In my world - where Mars is still a planet - the original Star Wars is still the first one ..."

The Dad gave The Mom a bit of a look: "Uh .... Dear ... in my world, as well, Mars is still a planet ..."

The Mom corrected herself. "You know what I meant. Pluto, not Mars!"

The Dad asked: "Coumadin, right?"

They both laughed .....

(With the exception of Interplanet Janet, the names, conversations - if they do indeed exist - and verbiage above may or may not have taken place.)

..................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Thursday, September 17, 2009

It's Almost ITLAPD ....

Yup ... it's almost that time of year again .....

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

..... comes this Saturday, September 19th. Time to get all piratical ....

........................ Ruprecht ( STOP )

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Friday, September 11, 2009

An Ode to America

We rarely get a chance to see another country's editorial about the United States.

This article - taken from a Romanian Newspaper - was written by
Mr. Cornel Nistorescu and published under the title 'C'ntarea Americii ('Ode To America') in the Romanian newspaper Evenimentulzilei ('The Daily Event' or 'News of the Day').


~ An Ode to America ~

Why are Americans so united? They would not resemble one another even if you painted them all one color! They speak all the languages of the world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations and religious beliefs.

On 9/11, the American tragedy turned three hundred million people into a hand put on the heart. Nobody rushed to accuse the White House, the Army or the Secret Service that they are only a bunch of losers. Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts. Nobody rushed out onto the streets nearby to gape about. Instead the Americans volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping hand.

After the first moments of panic, they raised their flag over the smoking ruins, putting on T-
shirts, caps and ties in the colors of the national flag. They placed flags on buildings and cars as if in every place and on every car a government official or the president was passing. On every occasion, they started singing 'God Bless America!'

I watched the live broadcast and rerun after rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without knowing who she was or of the Californian hockey player who gave his life fighting with the terrorists and prevented the plane from hitting a target that could have killed other hundreds or thousands of people.
How on earth were they able to respond united as one human being? Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes. And with every phone call millions and millions of dollars were put into collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a family, but a spirit, which no money can buy.

What on earth can unite the Americans in such a way? Their land? Their history? Their economic Power? Money?

I tried for hours to find an answer, humming songs and murmuring phrases with the risk of sounding commonplace, I thought things over, I reached but only one conclusion ...

Only freedom can work such miracles.

- Cornel Nistorescu

Monday, September 7, 2009

Fair Time!

Rupe was anticipating the day .....

How could I not? The prospect of meeting Barbie™ live was on the horizon. I could barely contain my giddiness.

Fair time in Southern California. Quite a few county fairs have already come and gone this year, but The Los Angeles County Fair just got its start with a rare Labor Day Weekend commencement. And we were off to see what we could see.

And, oh ... did we see it.

Part of the draw of attending the Fair was the fact it wouldn't cost us $58.00 just to get through the turnstile. All weekend long, if you arrived between the hours of 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. your admission was just a buck.

$4.00 for the whole family vs. $58.00: You tell me who's going to win that contest.

So we paid for parking, got a parking space as close as possible (always an adventure with Rupe and family at any venue or event we happen upon) and then made our way to the entrance to obtain our admission tickets.

And right off the bat, the fun began. We got a preview - and it wasn't a little one - of what we could expect for the entirety of our stay at the Fair: Lots of bad tattoos, lots of comical (and otherwise) T-shirts.

License plates abounded. (You know, those tattoos on the small of women's backs? Some call'em "tramp stamps", Rupe calls'em "license plates".) Arms filled with images of moons and rainbows and skulls and ribbons. Shoulders adorned with sunbursts and enter-connecting Africanesque symbols. Ankles encircled with ink. Knuckles with letters. The back of necks with "Pachuco" and "Chewie" and "Flaco".

There was one thing immediately evident: There were a lot of bad tattoos that would be witnessed this day. You'd think some of these folks would at least hit up a professional to have their tats done cleanly, not "Cheap Eddie" down the street. Amazing.

And the T-shirts. Oh, the T-shirts.

Mix up a mass of people and their T-shirts and you have an instant Fun Fest..

"Los Doyers". (Los Angeles Dodgers vernacular here in SoCal.) "I'm Not Grumpy - I Always Look Like This". "In Memory of Chica De Espalda, 1982 - 2007". "Pimp In Training". (This one on a baby in a stroller.) "*#&$%! You If You Don't Like The Raiders". And the guy in the "ExTenze" T-shirt? Nothing less than classic.

Once inside the doors, we thought it best for the girls to ride a few rides so that 1) they got off to a rousing start, 2) bumpy, jaunty rides are best ridden without anything in the stomach that could expel; and 3) because the lines were short enough that it made sense to do so sooner rather than later. Because those lines would swell into lengthy, sweaty, snaking time wasters, made up of kids of all ages. Add a little heat and you have the perfect recipe for crankiness.

The girls hit a couple roller coasters, a mirrored fun house and tried their luck at a few games. Riley - an excellent free throw shooter - immediately tagged an "I-only-need-one-shot" at a hoops booth for a monstrous Houston Rockets basketball prize in need of deflation in order to be carried around the remainder of the day. The prize she won appeared to be one of those ergonomic office sitting balls, not something that should be transported home as a souvenir. The little one wasn't so fortunate, but her time would come later.

So, we continued on. A giant pickle and a Coca Cola tucked contentedly in our stomachs, we meandered about oooohing and aaaahing at various sights. Dea commented how - in all our visits to the fair - we had never purchased anything other than food. (True fact.) Reed wanted to take a tour of the fairgrounds courtesy of the Sky Gondolas - a family tradition that would be quietly quashed for 2009. A giant turkey leg, hot dogs and snow cones were consumed.

The crowd slowly began to swell. It was already approaching the 90 degree mark. And it was barely 2:30 in the afternoon.

What to do .... what to do. Why ... the farm animal exhibits, of course! Wherein goats milk could be drunk! Sheep could be viewed in the process of being sheared! Stank and stank could be experienced! Cows and goats and pigs could be fondled! And so we were off to the animals .....

And, let me tell you, it was no small task getting to those animal pens. It seemed the whole of Los Angeles County was making their way to that portion of the fair just the same as we. But arrive there we did and without disappointment. We saw cows. We saw cute calves. We saw alpacas. We saw goats. We saw rabbits. We saw reclining, sleeping swine. We saw goats ripping up the displays on walls.

We saw a mustachioed gang member in a "Don't *#&$%! (expletive deleted) With Me" shirt. We saw crying kids. We saw the world’s most massive afro ever atop a teenager’s head. Fun was had by all.

And, of course, there were the obligatory photos we had to take with our heads stuck through cut-out, painted plywood dotting the fair landscape. Humiliation was never so much fun. And, speaking of humiliation, I don't know how appropriate this declaration was, right there in full view of the swine:

Plus, there was the family water trough cooling off spectacle. An Icee was a good call being we were all thirstier than thirsty from our trek through the sweaty pens.

I checked the time.

"Oh, my. Look at the time. We need to head over to the Palms Marketplace where the Barbie™ Live Meet & Greet with the ultimate princess is taking place at The Family MarketPlace Stage, presented by Farmers Insurance!" Rupe exclaimed. And we were off.

Twenty long minutes and a few wrong turns later, we found the stage. It was just past the hour when the show should have begun. Barbie™ should have been doing her thing up on the colorful platform. But what we saw when we approached was nothing of the sort. There were lots of folks sitting about, waiting for the show to begin .... but there was nothing at all going on.

I wandered around, looking for any sign of an impending act or appearance. I found nothing. I poked my head into the booth with the soundboard. No one home. I (shouldn't have) meandered down a set of stairs behind the stage to see what I could see. I saw a worker taking a nap on the grass. I saw a water cooler. I saw nothing else. No performers … no Barbie™ … no props … no outfits. Nothing.

I wandered back to our seats. We waited 10 more minutes. It appeared no one was going to appear, least of all Barbie™.

This guy, however, did come out:

Yup. Some dude dressed in an Obi-Wan Kenobi Star Wars Jedi Knight get-up with his hand shoved up a Yoda puppet.

It was disappointing. All geared up to see Barbie™ and hopes dashed like an unwanted corndog wrapper. I even later heard Barbie™ was a no-show at a few other appearances that day. What was the world coming to? When an icon can't take the time to bring a little joy to hundreds of wide-eyed girls in love with her? What a shame.

We dejectedly left our seats (okay ... Rupe dejectedly left his seat), deciding to call it a day.

As we made our way to the exit, the girls eyed bungee jumpers leaping off a crane 130' in the air. We paused to take in the spectacle. Some we saw would surely be in need of a chiropractic visit the following day.

In between jumpers, there were a few more T-shirts to read. "I Believe I'll Have Another Beer". "I Cared About What You Had To Say Yesterday". And Rupe's favorite: "Bacon Is A Vegetable". There were scads more tattooed fairgoers to ogle as well.

Finally, we headed for the exit, the fair's wares and attractions behind us. We looked at each other and smiled. We asked if everyone had fun. It had been a long, long, good day and we were all tired. Fortunately, home wasn't too distant a jaunt.

Barbie™? Well, she would never know the photo opportunity she missed out on with yours truly .....

.......................... Ruprecht ( STOP )