A Tip Too Much

Not actual waitress

"You have a choice: We can go out to breakfast today or next weekend. What say you?" I asked.

"It's going to be a $40.00 affair no matter what. You know that," I was told.

"We're not going to the casino for brunch," I replied. "It's not going to be $40.00."

Off we went. It was decided Mimi's Cafe was the fast breaking point of destination.

When we got there, the place was peppered with only a few patrons. It was still relatively early in the morning, after all, and we wanted to get a jump on our various errands before it got around to Super Bowl time. I had chips to cook, wings to baste, ribs to BBQ and limes to force through the necks of Corona bottles as the big game approached.

We were strategically seated by a young blond kid at the end of one of the rooms, with several booths between us and any others waiting to be served. The place was relatively quiet and comfortable.

My better half ordered eggs and bacon and hot chocolate, I ordered an Andouille and cheese omelet with chipotle sauce and coffee. Our waitress - whose name I didn't catch - was a bit lacking, somewhat clumsy and awkward socially. But she went through the motions and even offered a promotional card which entitling us to meal discounts, free meals, free "crepe" birthday cake on our birthdays as well as an introductory piece of cake to have or take with us that very morning simply for signing up. We partook. (Later, an interesting, delicate piece of cake was presented as a token of appreciation.)

The meal was pleasant enough. Coffee and water refills and checks on our enjoyability didn't come as often as I would have liked, but our experience was easy going and effortless for the most part.

Not actual bill

Afterward, when finished, the check came. Missy excused herself and I told her I would hold tight at the table and wait for her. I stole a look at the tab, $28.08, and deposited a couple twenties in the bill sleeve, making certain they peeked out as indication payment was good to go.

I was daydreaming or some such when the waitress (finally) came around and asked if all was fine. Aimlessly I told her it was. She snatched up the bill and exited quickly. Something about the way she took off was a bit out of place and it finally dawned on me she wasn't coming back with any change.

I did a quick mental calculation: 10% of the bill was $2.80, 20% was $5.60. I didn't have any qualms about leaving her $5.00 despite the fact she was completely average in her service, a bit underwhelming in fact. But the better part of $12.00 was a 30% tip! I mentally slapped myself and wondered if I should call her back.

... but ...

... why look like an ass? It was my mistake after all and it wasn't worth the effort. Besides, we did get a free piece of crepe cake out of the deal ... whatever "crepe cake" was. I decided to let it slide and not squawk. It wasn't worth the effort. 

And I remembered: Before we left the house Missy did call that breakfast was going to cost $40.00. Called it to the penny.

.......... Ruprecht ( needs to STOP and think in the future before poo-pooing a restaurant bill )

P.S. "Crepe cake" is a cake made of crepes. (Which I don't like.) Tasting it, it reminded me of cake made out of layers of old tortillas. It was unceremoniously tossed in the waste bin.

Actual crepe cake

A Brief Morning Conversation

"What's that bar stool doing over there by your chair?"

"I don't know ... I'm not its keeper. It might have walked over there on its own. Or ... I might be using it to put my coffee on. Why?"

"You better not be standing on it ..."

I stretched out my arms in supplication, an "oh well" sort of gesture.

"... because that would not make me happy."

I stretched them out a wider.

"That's Life," I said.

.......... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Ain't No Way, No How

Keurig? There's no chance in hell ...

.......... Ruprecht ( STOP )

T-Shirt Collection: Too Much Coffee Man

This "Japanese bootleg" shirt was purchased long, long ago in a magical land far south in California (San Diego) from multiple Eisner Award winning cartoonist Shannon Wheeler himself, creator of Too Much Coffee Man, God Is Disappointed In You and other works.

Which is all very well and fine, sir, but ... what does it say?

"Coohii wa juubun da yo"

or

"Coffee is all I need"

.......... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Strange Brew

It's no secret I love my morning coffee. That fresh aroma assaulting the senses when a new container is cracked open. The waft of brewing Joe as it makes its way through the morning air. That first sip caressing the taste buds. All thoughts to make you smile. 
I don't obsess about coffee by any means. I simply enjoy my morning cup or three.

But this might be the first time I've ever dreamt about coffee.

Early this morning, I had a vision of being in the kitchen getting ready to prepare a pot. I opened a coffee container and scooped out the proper amount to put into a filter. Then, strangely, I opened the lid to a large crock pot sitting on the counter to get water for my coffee. Why I was getting water out of a crock pot I have no idea. In the dream it wasn't a concern, there was nothing wrong with doing so.

As I took the lid off the pot, I noticed it was filled almost to the brim. I pulled some sort of utensil from a drawer to extract water but, before I did, I saw something begin to float to the crock pot's surface.

It was a packet. A packet of Ramen noodle seasoning.

It was still sealed and hadn't contaminated the water in any way so I reasoned the water was still good to go.

But then another appeared. And another. And yet another.

Suddenly I could tell there was more than just seasoning packets in the water. I spied one containing horseradish beneath the others. And I thought I saw one made of see-thru plastic with mustard in it. There was a soy sauce.

All of a sudden a thick, intertwining mass of half-cooked noodles slowly began to break the surface. Still, this didn't seem that strange to me. I figured the water could still be used to make my morning brew.

It was only when an obviously opened parcel of Indiana Jones Spicy Mix (whatever that was) trailing its contents into the liquid and around the noodles did I finally come to the conclusion the water wasn't going to cut it ...

.......... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Despite this morning's dream, Rupe is drinkin' Joe ...

 

 

Product Contains No Actual Seal ...

Wouldn't it be funny if - once, just once - fresh seal actually wafted through the air when one of these was opened?

....... Ruprecht ( STOP inciting PETA's wrath )