Fun With Telemarketers

It’s the middle of a much anticipated showing of some program that Rupe has wanted to watch for eons. (Okay … maybe not eons, but Rupe’s been anticipatin’ it for a long time. That’s all you need to know .....)

Rupe’s phone rings. Luckily, Rupe has the show DVR’d, so it’s not a problem to pause the show to get up and answer the phone. (A’sides, Rupe needs something cold and refreshing to drink whilst watching his show …..)

“Hello?” Rupe answers.

“Good evening! Is this Mr. Ruprecht?” a way too cheery voice queries.

“It is!” Rupe answers back, checking a nearby mirror.

“Mr. Ruprecht,” the telemarketer begins: “I’m from the Flagrant Man-Handling Umbrella Company and I would like to …..” But Rupe cuts’em off at the pass.

“Pardon me, but would you mind holding tight for a quick minute? You caught me right in the middle of doing something important, but if you can wait a sec, I’ll be right with you. Can you do that?”

“Well, certainly Mr. Ruprecht” the salesman accommodatingly states.

“Great! Be right back,” Rupe responds with an upbeat flair.

Rupe moseys on over to the fridge to pour hisself a nice glass of cold water, plunks a few ice cubes inside it and heads back to the waiting phone.

“S’aight! I’m back!” Rupe gushes, energetically.

The telemarketer begins anew. “As I was saying …..” But Rupe again doesn’t let him get far.

“Hey, wanna know what I was doing? I had to feed my fish. I forgot to feed’em this morning and the poor things were hungrier than skeeters in Florida at a mid-summer's night potluck. Wanna know what they’re names are?” Rupe asks Mr. Telemarketer.

“Well … yeah … sure, I guess.”

“Great! Well, lessee … there’s Pete and Jimmy and Pete and Pete and Pete. They’re all brothers .. I think. And then there’s Wolfy, Crabs McGowan, Pete, Pete, Pete, Little Pete, Pete Jr., Finnegin Floyd, Little Joe and Petey Pete. Sharky’s in there too … he’s the one that always causes lots of problems, but if you just flick’em on the top of the head with your finger, he usually straightens out right quick. I got Earless Lilo, Fish Sammich and “The Deadly Scum Sucker” to round out the bunch. They’re all just one big happy fish family in that tank, lemme tell you. They hardly ever get nasty with one another – that is ‘cept Sharky. Whatta card he is! Thinks he’s the king of the tuna fleet, he does. And they’re real easy on the eyes, too. Barely need tendin’ to.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! I almost forgot! Sally’s in there, too! She’s like the big mama that keeps’em all in line. Though, she really doesn’t keep’em all in line … s’more like she just swims around and minds her own business, but I like to SAY she keeps’em all in line, if’n you know what I mean, y’unnerstan …..

“Then, in the OTHER tank, the BIGGER tank, there’s …..”

*click*

That telemarketer doned hung up.

Rupe takes his water and heads back to his chair to watch his paused program …..

................................... ( STOP )