False Advertising

We were at a dead stop, stuck in mid-morning freeway traffic anyway, so why not?

I pulled up alongside him and motioned he roll down his window. When he did, I asked him his name.

"Bill," he replied.

"Last name?" I asked.

"Smith," he offered.

"Ever go by 'William'?" I queried.

"Nope."

I thanked him kindly and drove off, barely going more than four miles an hour in the miasma of cars.

Upon my arrival home later that evening, I looked up "Pasadena Ford" on-line. Nowhere on the site did I see where Bill Smith was number one.

His license plate frame "I'm #1 at PasadenaFord.Com" was blatent false advertising, I decided .....

................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Let's All Go To The Movies

I know .... I know. You're having drive-in theater flashbacks as well.

Ain't it great?

This reminds me of the theatrical version of M*A*S*H I wasn't supposed to see ..... my mother covering my eyes and yelling at my father when Hot Lips "put on the show" in the shower.

I remember piling friends in the back of my Mercury Montego and getting in the drive-in while stifling laughter.

I remember a bunch of friends meeting up when we were in high school for the triple-feature gore fest.

And I remember the advertisement above.

Good times .....

............... Ruprecht ( STOP )
Thanks, Douglas Arthur

The Way The Mind (Sometimes) Works*

I was preparing for a new venture to my photo blog, an ABC Challenge. Each day, a photo would be posted referencing a different letter of the alphabet, from A to Z.

I looked at a calendar and began counting out the letters to see where each would fall. I figured if I started on the 4th of the month (the month in question being March), 'zee' would end on the 31st ..... or so I concluded.

"Ay ... Bee ... See ... Dea** ... Eee ... Eff ... Gee ... Aychuh ... Eye ... Jay ... Kay ... El ... Em ... En ... Oh ... Pea ... Khyou ... Are ... Ess ... Tea ... You ... Vee ... Double-you ... Ecks ... Why ... Zee"

Waitaminnit. That didn't work. 'Zee' landed on the 29th, not the 31st! How could that be?

I counted again. Same result.

I looked at the calendar once more. I subtracted 4 from 29, getting 25, realizing one letter had to be added in order to accommodate my starting point. That meant there were 26*** letters in the alphabet.

That couldn't be right. Everyone knows there are 28 letters in the alphabet.**** So why was the count not ending on the final day in March, the 31st ... ?!?!?

I pondered this over and over and over again, ultimately coming to the same conclusion each and every time.

I was perplexed.

Until ..... I counted the letters of the alphabet out loud to myself.

I mentally slapped the side my head, exasperated.

Can someone please tell me when the world changed the alphabet from 28 to 26 letters ... ???*****

* My mind, anyway
** Short for 'Deanna'
*** News flash!
**** Apparently not
***** Must've been sleeping that day

..................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Redirect

Here you go.

(Oh, the joy of having two different blogs .....)

...................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Hideous Music

Today, terror struck my heart.

Well ..... hokay ..... it wasn't so much terror as it was the fear I'd been put on interminable hold.

A hold from which there is no release.

A hold of which you cannot relinquish .... because if you do, you'll just start the process all over again. You would be required to start anew ... and there's nothing on God's green earth you can do about it.

A hold you sigh audibly over because you know "they" have you. By the short hairs.

Of course, I'm talking about telephonic purgatory.

I called my daughter's school Friday morning. Paperwork was required. I spoke with "Nancy". She was very accommodating. "Yes ... if you don't mind holding, I'll see if I can locate that for you right now and I'll have a copy waiting when you come in."

I thanked her and was immediately put on hold.

That's when my heart froze.

It only took a few chords and I knew what the music was.

It was the hold music of which I was oh, so familiar when I was dealing with EarthLink (my internet service provider at the time) back in April of 2009.

And May of 2009.

And June of 2009.

*shiver*

It was that exact same music I was submitted to each and every time an Indian-accented employee of EarthLink asked if I would kindly wait for a few minutes while he looked up my account. And those minutes turned into tens of minutes.

Many tens of minutes.

Which turned into "I almost have all your information pulled up, Sir, just another minute or two." Or twenty.

For two and a half months I was placed in an Escher-esque netherworld of time displacement ... an otherworldly, gray cipher of time. I spent a huge amount of my April / May / June, 2009 in between nothing and frustration, slow burning all the while.

*shiver*

And then Nancy came back on the phone after little more than 23 seconds. "I have it right here. You can come pick it up when you pick up your daughter this afternoon."

The fog lifted and I felt the cobwebs of my mind swept away, dissolved by the disconnection click of my phone.

The hackles on the back of my neck slowly receded and I breathed easier.

..................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Someone Who Doesn't Want His "Great Taste" Speaking ... Not Even A Little Bit

I don't know .....

Is it me .... or is there something a bit sinister and unbecoming about those anthropomorphic shredded wheat characters ..... ???

................................. Ruprecht ( STOP )

No Receipt Necessary

When you care enough to pull over .....

..... just for a minute .....

..... because that overgrown white teddy bear wrapped in clear cellophane is calling out to you .....

..................... Ruprecht ( STOP )