The New School Year

It's the first day of school ... all over again.

"Now, students, turn around and wave to your parents ...
Send them on their way to First Coffee in the multipurpose room.
Don't worry ... they'll find their way and they'll be fine ....."

One of the "new kids" on Drill Team .....

..................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

The Brain, Defunked

Listening to my trusty 100.3 The Sound on the way into work this morning, a familiar song came out the car speakers.

“Turkey Apple Ferris Wheel”.

Wait … that’s not the title. Wait.

Oh, yeah. It’s "Trapped Aardvark Just Working Out".

No, no, no. That’s not it either.

Okay! I remember! I got it: “Too Many Pews Facing Out”.

What in the world … ?!? How could I possibly forget the name of this tune? I know the artist, Bruce Springsteen of course. So … why can’t I get the title working in my mind?

“Tent Amy’s Are Freaking Out”?

“Test Anime Faking Kraut”?

“Tea Paring Knife Drinking Stout”?

Good Gordness! I need more coffee.

I look down at the display on my stereo. It reads “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out”, you bonehead.

Naw. That can’t be it ….

……………………………. Ruprecht ( STOP )

I Have A Shoe Problem ...

I have a shoe problem.

I also have a clothing problem … but that’s best left for a different blog entry. (Mayhap by the reading of my shoe problem, you might catch a hint of what my clothing problem is.)

Yes. I have a shoe problem.

It manifested itself over the weekend. And it became necessary for me to give in to it. Yes. I purchased a pair of shoes. (Well … technically my wife did. It was she who actually conducted the transaction. So that really wasn’t a problem.)

Here’s the situation:

We’ll have to vault back to a time ... many, many years ago when there was actually a Mervyn’s department store … before they went out of business. Because that was the last time I purchased a pair of shoes. (And, if memory serves, that too was a transaction conducted by my wife.)

I was ambling about in the shoe section while my patient spouse was failing in her attempt to get our daughter to settle on any pair of shoes to wear (an ongoing dilemma to this day).

Aimlessly wandering about, I happened upon a clearance rack. There, at eye level, was a black box. I don’t recall the name on the box, but something caught my eye. It was an oval sticker claiming “85% off”. I scanned the box for the original sticker price. Finding it, it claimed the shoes were $95.00. I quickly did the math: At 85% off, they would ring up at a mere $14.25. I decided to get them. Where else was I going to find a pair of spiffy dress shoes for $14.25?

Heading to the register, they were scanned. They came up something completely and totally different than the $14.25 figure I had come up with in my head.

Something radically different.

$2.16. Two ... Dollars ... Sixteen ... Cents.

“Are you certain?” I inquired of the sales lady assisting me. She was certain.

And, therein, lies my shoe problem: I will be hard pressed to find another pair of dress shoes - ones around $100.00 - that will ring up at $2.16.

Years went by. And the problem continued to be just that. A problem seemingly without end.

That was … until this past weekend.

The wife was tending to the girls and they're inability to decide on shoes for school. She seemed a bit frustrated, so I stayed away and let her deal with them. In this case, misery does not love company, I thought.

And then, suddenly, another black box before me.

$80.00, the box beckoned. $80.00 with a discount sticker attached to it. An 80% off sticker at that. That made’em $16.00 out the door.

Or did it?

Could my fortune of those many years ago be re-manifesting itself once more? Would I get up to the check out register and have the box scanned by a helpful associate only to find that $16.00 price was naught?

Fat chance.

They rang up at $16.00. Plus tax.

You see … I have a shoe problem.

I hunt for the elusive single-dollar pair of dress shoes …

............................. Ruprecht ( STOP )

Compatibility

Rupe received an e-mail from Wife of Rupe yesterday and it did nothing less than crack me up. Rupe got permission from her to post it with her comments attached.

And yes ... I had a note or two as well .....

5 Things You Don't Need To Have In Common

If you were to take a an in-depth look at some of the couples who've successfully weathered every relationship storm, you'd be shocked to learn how little they might (superficially) have in common.

Sure it's cute to spend weeknights quoting The Simpsons in unison or have deep literary James Joycean discussions while rooting for the same football team with matching BBQ-tinged fingers, but honestly, many wonderful relationships are built on differences. It's how we vary the gene pool, afterall. In fact, the forces of attraction are so sophisticated that one should always rely on their gut—not clever packaging—when deciding who stays and goes. Below are a list of differences you may share with your significant other, that unlike basic manners, don't have to be dealbreakers. Watch: Dating Red Flags: Do You Ignore Them?

1. Different Music Taste

If you're cut from a cloth where self-worth is directly tied to music taste then this one may be tough. You may wince when you find that your bedmate du jour has never heard of Aaron Copland. You may want to run away screaming when they lack much of an opinion about Morrissey (and haven't even heard of The Smiths), but we think this is foolish. Unlike innate kindness or empathy, music knowledge is something that can be taught. And shared. So go and create that mix tape already. Read: Musicians Hear Emotion In Sound

HE IS DEAD ALREADY!!! Holy crap I can't believe they chose him to reference.
(Wife of Rupe has always contended Morrissey is "dead". Yes, Rupe knows - this logic fails me as he is sure it does you reading this. He was "dead" during his solo career ... he was "dead" during his Smiths years. When a song of his comes on the radio, the comment is always "He's dead." She swears she heard a news report stating he was dead and lived by that report to this very day.)

2. Intellectual Tastes

Let's say you make a visit to Barnes and Noble and you're drawn to Nietzsche but your lover is more a trashy memoir/easy beach read type of a person. So what? At least you're both, er, reading. OK, OK, we get it. You may see reading material, education level, profession as a reflection of a person's intelligence—but this isn't always the case, my friend. What you really need to look for is breadth of knowledge in the chosen area. You might be working on a graduate degree in anthropology from a fancy pants university, but what do you know about laying bricks? The scene in My Cousin Vinny when Marisa Tomei unleashes her almost God-like knowledge of car tires and all but frees her man's clients comes to mind as a perfect example.

Are they seriously bagging on my smut books?! Unbelievable.
(Not really so unbelievable as one might think .....)

3. Friend Tastes

Yes, birds of a feather flock together and you are who you hang with and blah blah blah. We've heard it. We've heard it all. But just because your boyfriend's college buddies are a poor (very poor) man's parody of Wedding Crashers and you don't connect with her BFF's discussions about The Hills (but is it real?!) doesn't mean this new flame is a no go. Now if you notice a trend that's a bit more, er, red flag-y—say multiple friends in jails across the country—then perhaps it's something to look into. Perhaps.

FRIENDS?! What friends, we alienate them all.
(We do have the proclivity to lean in this direction, Rupe must admit .....)

4. Spending / Saving Habits

This one's dicey. You should absolutely err on the side of caution when building a future with someone who, say, gambles away their paycheck. But research suggests savers are attracted to spenders and vice versa. Professors at the Wharton School of Finance and Northwestern University say the spender/saver relationship is just another way in which opposites attract.

We BOTH suck at this so it is mute!
(Rupe rejects this statement completely. Well ........ mostly. Okay, some.)

5. Style Tastes

This one's simple: if you don't like what they're working with make sweet suggestions. No matter where you are there's a mall somewhere close by, an outfit looking for a new home and a credit card just aching to be put to use. Sometimes it is that easy.
Neither of us has style so we were screwed to begin with!
(Rupe has style. He just has no ass .....)

.................. Ruprecht ( STOP )

50 Bands

Rupe was intrigued at Clark Brooks challenge in listing 50 Artists or Bands I've seen in concert.

The Rules: List the first 50 acts that come into your head. An act you saw at a festival counts, as do opening acts count, but only if you can't think of 50 other artists. In addition, list the first concert you ever saw.

This was pretty much a breeze for me ... but I see where it could get difficult for many. I got stuck a few times after 45, but an additional couple dozen came flooding in after I went to bed .....


1. DEVO
2. The Cure
3. The Cramps
4. David Bowie
5. Depeche Mode
6. Flock Of Seagulls
7. Lyle Lovett
8. Queen
9. Lenny Kravitz
10. Frank Black
11. Tears For Fears
12. Crowded House
13. Stan Ridgway
14. Oingo Boingo
15. Annie Lennox
16. Sting
17. Peter Gabriel
18. Sweet Pea Atkinson
19. Booker T. & The MGs
20. Tones On Tail
21. The Police
22. The Clash
23. The The
24. 3 Dog Night
25. BTO
26. Wall Of Voodoo
27. The Blasters
28. The Reverand Horton Heat
29. Johnny Lang
30. Adam & The Ants
31. Thompson Twins
32. Stray Cats
33. The Fenigans
34. The Orb
35. Pet Shop Boys
36. El Vez
37. Mojo Nixon
38. The Doobie Brothers
39. The Gore Gore Girls
40. Men At Work
41. Tracy Chapman
42. Klaus Nomi
43. Grizzly Bear
44. Dick Dale
45. Haunted Garage
46. Dramarama
47. The B-52s
48. Love & Rockets
49. Graveyard Farmers
50. Andy Prieboy




First band I ever saw live? During high school years, Adam & The Ants at the Hollywood Bowl with my cousin.

........................ Ruprecht ( STOP )

A Rare Meme That Slightly Amused

Courtesy of citizen jane and David:


1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"Cool! No bedhead! Good enough to go out as is!"

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$16.00

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
(Edward) Gore(y)

4. Favorite planet?
Planet Claire (B52's)

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
It was not a person. It was an 800 number .....

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
The one I currently use: CTU "24" ringtone

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Old, stained, holey salmon-colored T-shirt I bought at the 99 Cent Store ages ago.

8. Do you label yourself?
Absolutely. Daily. And it changes often throughout the day.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
I do not do brand names. That ... and I currently am wearing no shoes.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Complex and revealing

12. What does your watch look like?
It's in the bottom of a sock drawer, unused for months and needs a battery. Basic. With hands, real numbers.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Painfully watching the last of "Juno" while drifting off ...

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"Where are you?"

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
1 1/2 miles northwest

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
"Really?"

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
My daughter

18. Last furry thing you touched?
Bob The Dog *whew*

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Zero

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
Zero

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
This question does not compute. I've felt, since asking myself this question on occasion over the years, that I'm fine right where I'm at.

22. Your worst enemy?
Sloth

23. What is your current desktop picture?
A luche libre

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"Have a good day."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Tough question. But I will be selfish and state the ability to fly.

26. Do you like someone?
Why ... but of course.

27. The last song you listened to?
The Wipeouters. "Twist 'n' Launch".

28. What time of day were you born?
3:35 am

29. What’s your favorite number?
Two

30. Where did you live in 1987?
West Covina, CA

31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Nope

32. Is anyone jealous of you?
No clue

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Park City, Utah at home

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
I have never had a vending machine steal my money. It has refused to return my money to me, but it has never stolen it. One day, in the near future however, I have no doubt I will deposit bills into a machine and it will mock me in a semi-mechanical voice.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?
Absolutely. Among other things ...

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
"... had to get ..."? Initial thought: Bottom of my foot.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Spanish. Which I speak, but not fluently.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes. And I have. Several times

39. Are you touchy feely?
Not generally. And that really depends on the circumstance.

40. What’s your life motto?
"You don't learn from your successes, you learn from your mistakes."

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
At all times? Only one: My wedding band.

42. What’s your favorite town/city?
Toss up: San Diego, San Francisco

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
A Coke and two hand-made caramels at The Flying J in St. George, Utah.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I cannot recall. But ... within the last two years, I believe.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yes

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
That would be Deena Taylor, middle school. I cannot remember.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
A few simple generations.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
May, 2009. Job interview. Suit, tie.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
No.

50. Have you been burned by love?
At 19. Yes. It was a good thing, in retrospect.

......................... Ruprecht ( STOP )

Causing Problems In Utah

A family trip to Boondocks was in order while we were vacationing in Utah.

Grandma and the kids had been previously ... but Mom and Dad? Never.

Miniature golf (two rounds!), wet and wild bumper boats that squirt like nobody's business (the MIL went nuts on these), batting cages, laser tag (I was "Darth Maul" and - despite the fact I didn't even know if I was hitting anyone - ended up getting high score for the session), go-karts and not-only-reasonable-but-decent-tasting food were the orders of the day.

But, the Arcade was where the real action was. Games galore. Ticket-spewing, token-hungry machines beckoning us at every turn. Proffering their coveted yellow tickets to be exchanged for trinkets and jetsam.

And deep in the bowels of the Arcade was an intriguing piece of technology that whispered siren songs and called to me. It sang a sweet tune I found irresistible.

The MaxFlight
FS 2000 Flight Simulator.

How could I refuse?

Sixteen different programs to choose from. Everything from Coney Island wooden rollercoasters to real-time, controllable fighter craft, watercraft and more. Sixteen adventures ranging in excitement from just over a minute to just under five. More than a dozen thrill-seeking tours, some of which featured multiple, multiple, multiple barrel rolls and other teeth-jarring frolickry, all from the comfort of an enclosed cocoon pod run by state-of-the-art hydraulics.

Again: How could I possibly refuse?

I told Wife of Rupe I was headed that way. "Are you sure you should do that?" she queried.

"Where was the harm?" I thought to myself.

I tried to get the eldest to come with me, but she refused. She's not the thrill seeker (yet) that her father is.

I whisked pages several times over within the three ring binder that sat on the podium detailing the instructions and rides one could program into this contraption. I finally choose a bobsled simulation boasting no less than nine separate inversions.

While in line, I spoke with my daughter. "Cool! Check it out - you can see the program I will be doing up there on the television monitor! Go get mom and tell her to come watch!" She ran off in search of her before the ride commenced.

Finally, it was my turn at bat. The woman manning the ride asked if I had chosen a program. I told her. I barreled through the turnstile and entered into the contraption. Shoulder straps where applied. A crotch strap manhandled me. A seatbelt was the final restraint clicked into place. The top half closed around me, encasing me within a claustrophobic air pocket complete with PVC tubing blowing cool air at my face, a blank, white video screen in my purview.

60 seconds went by wherein I heard the snap of a latch and the engagement of additional exterior restraints that would prevent my new temporary home from inadvertently flying open while I was hanging upside down.

I barely heard a keyboard click to my left - the woman pecking in the program of my choice - and of a sudden my restraints pulled at me as I was lifted into the air. A jarring halt had me waiting in anticipation as my heart thumped faster in my chest.

Another 30 seconds or so passed as I eagerly watched the screen in front of me, waiting for the program to initiate. Instead, I heard a hydraulic squeal and I was unceremoniously tossed 90 degrees onto my left side. I was vertical ... the fun was about to begin ... !!!

Or ........ so I thought.

There I was ..... still vertical after three minutes.

... four minutes ...

... five ...

.......................

No noise. No action. No movement. No video image in front of me. No sound.

From outside, I heard the woman conducting the ride finger her walkie-talkie. "Frankie ... I have a problem over here ..... have you got a minute?"

Uh oh.

"Jenny," I heard. "Can you help me lift this thing?"

I felt movement as two females were obviously trying to lift the contraption off its side with me in it. For whatever reason, they obviously couldn't get the simulator to right itself. I had no idea why.

"Frankie ... we still need help. We're going to have to get a lot more bodies over here to get this guy out ..."

Now ... that didn't sound good.

All said and done, it took them close to eight minutes from the time the simulation "began" to extract me from the contraption. Once righted (and with lots of effort on their part, I was told), I heard the exterior restraints come off and the latch unsnap. Then there was light as the clamshell top opened to reveal several attendants looking at me in wide-eyed wonder.

I shot my arms in the air and yelled at the top of my lungs:

"WHOO-HOOOOOO ... !!!
That was fantastical!
Whatta ride ... !!!"

One of the attendants looked at me and stated, matter of factly:

"I'm sorry, sir. But because of your weight and the fact there is only one of you in the simulator, it won't function properly. You got stuck."

Well ... no shitake, Sherlock.

I'd made enough of a spectacle. I detached my restraints and walked out of the pod gracefully and with what little dignity I still had after my display ... which wasn't much. I had a grin as wide as an elephant as I departed.

Good. Times. Period.

........................ Ruprecht ( STOP )

Prologue:

"One of the attendants came up to me while you were stuck inside and asked me how old you were," Wife of Rupe confessed to me when I was free of the simulator.

"What does that have to do with anything?!?" I asked.

"No clue." she replied. "Then they asked 'Does he weigh more than 175 pounds?' I looked at them and said 'Well ... Yeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhh .....'"